Thank God for Summer

Even though I'm not a huge summer person (I like the fall best) But this summer has been amazing already. I love not having school (although I ended up doing incredibly well for this semester...I have to brag a little, I got an A in my physics lecture and lab....didnt think THAT was possible) love spending time with my niece, who is growing up entirely too fast for my liking but she's so intelligent for being almost 3 that I just love talking and playing with her. Home has been slightly stressful cause my mom and sister are going through the rough "18 year old/parent" stage and I'm just trying to stay out of it but they both talk to me about it so its hard to stay out.

But at the moment, I'm laying in Jon's bed at his parents house while him and his brother are playing Smash Brothers and I'm extremely happy. Just had dinner with his parents and I love visiting his family. We get along so well and they are just real, down to earth, but very nice people and I feel completely comfortable being myself around them. I'm spending the weekend with Jon and this will be the last time I see him until after France, about 8 weeks away so I'm soaking up as much time as I can and loving every minute of it.

Leaving for a movie in a minute so continuing later.....

Good, no GREAT News

                                                  NO MCAT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turns out for veterinary schools they only need the GRE test and you're good! This is such a tremendous weight off my shoulders because I have been stressing about this for almost a year and now, NOW I CAN RELAX!

AND, dun-dun-nuh-NUH! I'm officially going to France.
I bought my non-refundable plane tickets and put my $500 nonrefundable deposit down So I am GOING!
Finally a big, BIG dream of mine is coming true and I simply can't wait.

And now that there is no MCAT looming over my head after the end of the semester, I can just be excited about preparing for France instead of 3 weeks of dread/studying my butt off THEN get excited about France.

Its crazy to think about only 3 weeks left of my Junior Year in College. I feel like I'm ready to move on but at the same time I dont want to leave the family I've developed in college. I feel when I do graduate it will be even harder leaving these people than high school because at least when everyone was home I could visit them. We all have a central location to meet but college, we're from all over (well most are from chicago but since I'm not it will make it that much more difficult.) And I'm not even going to think about having to leave Jon....that's entirely too hard to think about. Although he suprised me the other day by asking all about vet school, where I was applying, if I was looking at UofI's school, and I told him I really wanted to go but its really hard to get into so I was applying all over...why do you ask? (It kinda came out of no where, a great interest all of the sudden, lol) and he told me that their math and computer science grad programs were really good there and that's what he was hoping to go into. "Plus I figured that's where you'd end up." I was so shocked/happy/touched/flattered. More than anything I was really excited to hear that he was thinking about our future together. We've never really talked about it before so I wasn't sure what he was thinking about it all but that gave me such a good feeling about us and how he feels about our relationship. Due to my past, I try not to plan to far ahead or get looking too far down the road cause that has only set me up for heartbreak and disappointment. But now that I see I am not alone in my hopes for the future, its hard not to be excited about it. Love is an exciting journey. I'm truly feeling like this could be It but again, can't get too carried away ;)

L'Invitation du Voyage

Pour tout les personnes qui parle ou lit au francais. C'est un poème que j'aime beaucoup par Baudelaire circa 1861 Les Fleurs du Mal. Il est très beau.

L'Invitation du Voyage

    Mon enfant, ma sœur,
    Songe à la douceur
    D'aller là-bas vivre ensemble !
    Aimer à loisir,
    Aimer et mourir
    Au pays qui te ressemble !
    Les soleils mouillés
    De ces ciels brouillés
    Pour mon esprit ont les charmes
    Si mystérieux
    De tes traîtres yeux,
    Brillant à travers leurs larmes.
   
    Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté,
    Luxe, calme et volupté.
   
    Des meubles luisants,
    Polis par les ans,
    Décoreraient notre chambre ;
    Les plus rares fleurs
    Mêlant leurs odeurs
    Aux vagues senteurs de l'ambre,
    Les riches plafonds,
    Les miroirs profonds,
    La splendeur orientale,
    Tout y parlerait
    À l'âme en secret
    Sa douce langue natale.
   
    Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté,
    Luxe, calme et volupté.
   
    Vois sur ces canaux
    Dormir ces vaisseaux
    Dont l'humeur est vagabonde ;
    C'est pour assouvir
    Ton moindre désir
    Qu'ils viennent du bout du monde.
    - Les soleils couchants
    Revêtent les champs,
    Les canaux, la ville entière,
    D'hyacinthe et d'or ;
    Le monde s'endort
    Dans une chaude lumière.
   
    Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté,
    Luxe, calme et volupté.

Optimism is key

Ok last post, kind of depressing and stupid. Cause its stupid to get upset/stressed about money. Everyone has issues with it, whatever.

Life's been throwing curve balls left and right lately, but overall this semester has been far superior (schoolwise) than last semester. Doing better in my classes, enjoying them a bit more while not being stressed out & completely bogged down with work 24/7. I can actually enjoy myself and hang out with friends and still get all my hw/studying done on time or even a head of time.....weird. But wonderful.

I've also been able to get back into my faith this semester. I hadn't been going to church nearly as much as I wanted to so for Lent, I didnt give anything up but tried to change certain things in my life to improve it. I started going back to church every sunday, without fail and its perfect because the Newman Center on Campus has 7 pm Mass for all those kids who partied a bit too hard on Saturday Night ;) I've also been able to bring a few of my freinds back to church with me. And if feels good to know you have others around you who share your faith, especially in a city like Chicago where their is so much diversity when it comes to religion or even people's lack of faith. I have never been one to judge a person's religion or even if they are not religious at all, its a personal choice/decision, but it is nice when you aren't alone in your own :)

I've also tried to become more positive and not fret over little things I usually let bring me down. I used to stress out about shaddy friends and "why do friends I trust do this kinda crap?" etc. but I have realized more and more who my true friends are and the kind of people that I like to surround myself with....as well as realizing how much I miss my friends from back home. Thank God for Jon, Katie, and Aida this semeter, and really all my guy friends that Jon lives with because I have used their place as a retreat from my own apartment. I've had some major issues with my roommates, at points leaving me in tears just wanting to get away from them/the apartment, everything. Things are much better now and the sad thing is they didn't even realize what they were doing. And the only reason things are better is because I've just let a lot of stuff go....its a pick your battles situation and they wont change so I just rise above or if I do get upset, I go to Jon's where I feel more comfortable around six guys than two girls. It just sucks because our fourth roommate, Alison, I get along with the best but goes home every weekend or is always studying cause her classes are ridiculous. There's also these three ladies in my French classes that are pretty much amazing, and they make my life so much better. We are "Les Quatres Filles" and i love it. Its pretty nice to meet more girls at UIC who aren't total bitches because from my experience they are either effing crazy dumbasses who flirt with the 60-year old professors, snobby stuck-up geniuses, or just plain weird. I had almost given up on even trying to make friends with the girls in my science classes they are generally freaks but leave it to my outstanding French classes to give me some good ones (although there still are some FREAKS in our french class.....but they keep us entertained, although I think one lessie tried to grind up on me after class while she was rapping - ps she's way to white to rap but thinks she's an amazing MC....get a clue.)

Basically, life is good. Friends are good, Jon is fantastic ( I seriously keep falling more and more for him, he suprises me all the time with the ways he shows he cares.) ANNNDD I'm so close to finalizing my study abroad plans for the summer, I can almost spell Aix's lavender fields already. Aix-en-Provence, France....here I come!

money....meh.

So I've come to realize just how much I loath money or the fact that I have none. Or as soon as I get some, I have about a jillion bills to pay and I feel like I can't save a dime if my life depended on it. And with my trip to France coming up, which I have most of the $5000 tuition saved, there is still that roundtrip airfare which is gonna be close to $1800 (as of now) plus if I want to have any spending money....which at the moment, there is zero. I've done about a million scholarships for study abroad/uic hoping to catch a break somewhere but I'll have to wait until April to hear about those. Plus MCAT's are coming up, which is another $220 to take a freakin test (which it is stressful enough, you gotta add the money situation into it.) I feel like it will all work out in the end, if NOTHING else I can ask my parents for help but I really really hate doing that. I've become so independent of them that I constantly feel like I can do it on my own. Although I learned the hard way about two weeks ago, after about 2 panic attacks in one week that sometimes you just need to ask for help. My mother is a saint and one of the most amazing people that I know and even though she hardly has anything herself (which is why I really hate to have to ask her for anything) she still pulls through when I need her. And I didn't even have to ask for help, she gracious gave more than she needed. She's awesome.

There is so much else going on in my life at the moment that is phenomenal and life is actually going pretty well but this has just been on my mind a lot lately so just needed to get it off my chest.